I only kidnapped one of them. chill
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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