I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
