Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
