Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
