Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
