I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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