JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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