She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
