he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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