i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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