Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
