Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
