The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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