New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
