i would punch a child for taco bell
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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