listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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