the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
