i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
