I'm passing your future prison.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
