Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
