she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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