the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm passing your future prison.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
