Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
