i think i have herpe
just one?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
