I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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