I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
