Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
