Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Randomize
