I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize