i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
