We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
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I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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