I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
