One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
