I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
