chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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