i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
