dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
