Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
