Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
