No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
