I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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