Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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