nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
