my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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