I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
