I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
