The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
