Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
