I want to make a zoo with you.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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