went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
