There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
