i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
ttyl tear gas
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize