If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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