so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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