The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
