My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
