I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
