Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
