Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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