Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
