I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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