She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
