how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
