I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
