Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
