You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
